Really Bad Tenchi Fic
by Yuuenchi
Summary: The R.O.P.A.A. interdicts a Class AAA felonious fanfic, saving Tenchi and Co. from certain doom, along with the help of Agent Pinky and Agent Brain from FanfictionWorld's Jurisfiction Service


Author's Note: Hello everybody! I just love it when strange ideas come to mind. Like this one. So, I decided to use it for my first ever Tenchi fic. Please enjoy, and send c&c love to me, okay?

When last we left our intreprid explorers,

Tenchi was tied to a stake set up against a backdrop of sandbags and stone in front of a firing line. Beside him stood a Generalissimo in beige uniform with red trim, which had seen better days not to mention better drinks, a officer's cap with a red stripe going round.

"Any last requests?" the generalissimo taunted. Not giving the hapless youth a chance to respond, he swiftly raised his sword in a salute.

"Ready...Aim..."

"wait wait stop the fic...stop the execution" Tenchi yelled.

"Oh...what is it this time?" the generalissimo demanded with exasperation. "You can't do that on television!" Tenchi said. El Generalissimo simply stared at Tenchi. "Yes, but this is not television. This is a fic. And a demented one at that. so, stand there and take it like a man." Tenchi gulped

"This is a dream, right? This has to be a dream" Tenchi whimpered to himself as the Girls lifted their weapons, took aim and fired... (1)

(1) "Stop this Fic immediately!" a voice cried out. Instantaneously all action ceased. Even the bullets stopped in mid-flight. Everyone turned in the direction of the voice, even the bullets swiveling around to catch a glimpse of the intruder. Two white mice stepped out of the shadows, with gold badges hanging from chains from their necks.

"Just in time, heh Pinky" The short squat one said, in a nervous twitter. "Yeah, but just barely, Brain" came the comment from the tall one.

The two escaped lab mice ambled up to the mingling cast. The generalissimo looked downright embarrassed, as if he wished he could be anywhere other than where he actually was. Ryoko took the opportunity to take a cigarette from behind her ear and light up. Ayeka stood slightly apart with her hands clasped in front of her. Sasami immediately dropped the gun and ran to hug Tenchi.

"Jurisfiction: AVI. Fanfiction Crimes Division. This entire fic is being Blocked and quarantined until further notice" Pinky said, taking charge of the situation. Brain, as usual, hung out in the background, trying not to look conspicuous, twiddling his tail between his fore-paws. "Most likely, it'll get the fast track to the Well. The generics will be processed, and if necessary, reformatted, before being reassigned. The original cast will receive a full round of counseling as a matter of course.

"The Bellman insists that this fic be terminated immediately. But the best we can do is follow procedure."

"Nani?" Tenchi said. "I'm sorry Mr. Masaki, Mrs Masakis *nod in the direction of the Three Wives Club* "But this fic "Pinky said, consulting the script and outline "is planning to use every B grade Tenchi Muyo Fanfiction cliche and stereotype in the book. Not to mention the ah H and L Class scenes "with a pointed look toward Sasami, "and apparently some of the Unwritten Cliches as well. I'm just glad we got here before the ROPAA did."

"ROPAA" Ayeka asked, suddenly very nervous. "What would they want with this fic" "I can't say for certain Princess, but the word coming down the line is there's something specially perverse about this fic" Agent Pink said.

Suddenly, the bullets spun around to their normal position, and began to streak toward the firing pole. At the same time, Tenchi found himeslf forcibly dragged by an invisible force to the firing pole. The Girls found themselves back in position on the firing line, gunsights pointing dead on to Tenchi.

Alarms sounded throughout the Well..."Narf it!" Pinky swore. "The fic is breaking containment. We need the Brigade down here stat!" Pinky yelled. "Brain, just don't stand there, do something useful."

"Like what, Pinky?"

"Like Call for backup, dimwit!

"Even Worse, its the Author, he's thrown off his Writer's Block and is trying to reassert control." Shut it down Shut it down!"

Just as suddenly, the alarms cut out. As did the lights. In fact the whole fic faded to black.

Two men in dark purple coat and ties, and sporting purple sunglasses stepped into the limelight that appeared from nowhere. "I'm Special Agent little_sugar_patootie, this is Special Agent fluffy_rabid_gerbil, ROPAA Fanfic Investigations" the one on the left showing their RFI badges, "we're taking over. The fic has been redirected to FanFiction Research Labs at R.O.P.A.A. Central.

"Now, wait just minute, this clearly falls under the AVI jurisdiction" Pinky protested.

"This fic has gone beyond MSTy constraints, and will be shut down, permanently. No record will remain, and it will not be finished." the man from ROPAA said, looking over at Agent Pinky, who glared back at him.

"We have evidence that this fic is by the same author as "Return to the Carrot Patch" we further believe he intends to write "At the Carrot Patch III the New Sprout" little_sugar_patootie said simply. At the horrifying words "return" and "carrot patch", the whole Tenchi cast went green in the face, even Ryoko blanched a full two shades lighter than Pinky's fur. "

"We cannot know for certain whether the writer is an AHRLI or a RHALI or worse, a Tenchi Hating Ayeka-Ryoko Yuri Loving Idiot (THARY-LI ) masquerading as any or all of the above.

"So you see why we must track. If you'l follow us, we'll take your statements RFI: ChronoForce needs the information two weeks ago. They've foiled 12 attempts to write the fic by earlier authors, but recently, a single author has made multiple attempts, and each attempt gets worse; ChronoForce looses more agents with each Block (they've even lost two complete sets of Chousin Model persocoms) since next month, so you can see that your cooperation is most vital to the health and protection of FanFiction World"

"Now, if you folks will kindly look over here, we'll begin the debriefing process" the taller agent said, taking out a small pen-shaped device.


End file.
